Dear Alex,
I want to tell you about three women I loved. None of them worked out, but I wish they did. My life would be drastically different, but some choices are not up to us nor can we control how other people feel. Timing and the little things in life are all all factors in love. Your choices are half chance anyway.
H was the first. We met (not at) while in college. She went to UCLA, like your Dad, but they didn't know each other. She was a few years younger. She was smart, kind, and pretty. We dated for a bit over a year. She was about 4 years younger than me, so we were at different points in our lives when we split. I knew I could spend my life with her - I don't think she felt the same. Fast forward a few years later and we started dating again, this time long distance - I was up north, she was back in LA. After a few months I told her I wanted more, but I was just a fling and reminded her of good memories, or so I believed. I looked her up less than a year after we split for the last time - she was married. I remember the day I looked over at H when she popped into my car. I noticed the light hitting her hair and her smiling at me. It felt wonderful, warm, and I was in love. I knew it then, I told myself I could spend my life with her. But it some things weren't meant to happen.
Not too long after (or maybe it was a while later) I met W, but let's talk about her last. A year or two (or four?) later I met M. We met online as people do these days. I was at the tail end of 30 and I knew she was awesome the first minute we started talking. She too was attractive, at least to me. But more than that she was quick witted and full of energy. We dated for like 5 months or so, but during that time I was the happiest I'd been in years. She was so active and was really social. We spoke of all things, she made me laugh. I wanted to be with her, until she abruptly told me one day she didn't. It was one of the more difficult things I've had to hear. She told me, "we had some good times" but that wasn't enough. Her's were practical problems, living with me wasn't working for her. I wanted to make it work, but I thought if what she wanted wasn't me...there couldn't be a 'we'. And that was that.
Years ago, it doesn't really matter when exactly, but I think it was June of 2009 I met W at work. She and I actually had mutual friends. She was always dating someone. But a couple years later, she wasn't. She had an infectious personality, quirky and funny. I thought she was beautiful. We could talk (and did) for hours. At the end of one evening I boldly (for me) just bluntly said, "I want to take you out on a date" (paraphrasing, but the idea is the same). She said yes and I was just excited beyond belief, until 2 am when I got an email from her. She wanted to be friends. At the time I struggled with the request, but eventually acquiesced. To me she was awesome, but at some point I think it was easier to not see her. At one point a friend confided that W was ready to start dating and possibly it was just a timing situation with me. I couldn't get her out of my head, so I did the same thing, but she was very upfront as well - she didn't feel the same, but wanted to be friends. I needed time. But after thinking about it, I realized that I couldn't be friends with her. I wanted more. I always have and probably always will. I cut ties with her. I've never really clicked so much with anyone else. When you hear about fireworks or crappy love songs and they suddenly make sense, you know. I used to wonder when you would know, but after meeting W - I knew. I know. It's also why I can meet great women, but it just doesn't click. It's not that I'm comparing other women to W, everyone is different, but it's that we don't seem to click.
There's the highlights son, maybe over a bottle of whiskey one day, we'll talk about love and how it's been good to you.
-GFE
